At the beginning of sharing my testimony I have said in the past, “My only wish from my testimony this
morning is that it will be a blessing to someone or touch someone’s life in a
positive way.” I hope that this is the case for this written version.
***
We grew up in a
Christian home and for as long as I can remember we attended Sunday School and
church. I don’t know of any family who
hasn’t had their share of trials and ours was no
different. There were good times as well as hard times in our family but all of us pitched in and helped one another. I continued to attend church while I worked as an LPN at the Burn Unit at the Victoria General Hospital in Halifax.
different. There were good times as well as hard times in our family but all of us pitched in and helped one another. I continued to attend church while I worked as an LPN at the Burn Unit at the Victoria General Hospital in Halifax.
When I married
my husband, I didn’t realize I was under his control until it was too late. I
really began to miss church but was afraid to attend because in his mind only
hypocrites or fools attended church and he warned me not to go so that I would not be labelled like the rest of them. I am sorry to say that I allowed
this to happen and in situations of abuse it isn’t easy to break that bondage. Life remained this way for 25 years.
I need to say
here and now that my marriage wasn’t totally bad. There were good times and
times of enjoyment, like traveling. But more importantly, I was missing the God times. I
missed my Jesus, who was with me from birth. But I still prayed - every day I prayed.
My life and
marriage were becoming a total sham. I wouldn’t
ask anyone for help, because I felt that I made such a mess of things. The
bright spot in the marriage were his parents - my saving grace many times and
though I never shared anything, I am sure they knew my plight. They were so loving, kind,
and generous to me—they treated me like their daughter. I couldn’t believe that
they brought up their son to be so controlling.
In abusive
situations there is usually a code of silence, and I maintained it until the
fateful night when I nearly ended my life, after a severely abusive episode in
which he broke my ribs. God saved me from death – I was 7 months
pregnant and had a cardiac arrest on an O.R. table in Shelburne because of severe
hemorrhaging. And now here I was trying to take my life at 1:00 in the morning.
I said, "Lord, what am I doing?" I prayed hard for forgiveness and asked my Jesus
if he would make me whole again. I asked
him to relinquish me from this horrible marriage. And we did, five months later. From
that moment, I started praying differently, asking the Lord to give me the
courage and conviction to follow through with a divorce. The marriage was
beyond repair and I was in danger; I had no other choice.
Simply put, I
had totally drifted away from the life I grew up with. I had accepted and enjoyed our materialistic lifestyle. Even our trips became a status
symbol – we had a "look at us" mentality. When I left, nine days after our 25th
wedding anniversary, I was free for the first time in years and although I had
a lot of issues to deal with psychologically, I worked most of them out through
secular and Christian counselling.
On a trip to
Halifax I met someone who knew me most of my life and she asked me where my
husband was. I replied, “We’re divorced.” It shocked her and she said, I
thought you two were joined at the hip and I said, “I’ve had a hip
replacement.” Our marriage was such a façade; people thought we were the
perfect couple.
2 Cor. 1:3 says, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father
of compassion and the God of all comfort.” When I moved, I started attending the
Baptist church regularly and let me tell you, I knew I was in a place of such
love and comfort and Jesus was speaking to me like I never knew possible. I couldn’t
get enough of his Word and read the entire Bible cover to cover, 3 times in one
year. I got re-baptized and it was a great experience. Little did I know that God through the Holy Spirit was just
beginning to mold me and turn my life around even more.
One
morning as I was getting ready to go to worship music practice, the powerful
hand of my Lord took me on my knees to the floor. It was there that I asked
Christ to forgive me yet again, and I saw him on the cross of redemption. In my
tiny apartment, I began to live again for my Jesus, asking forgiveness of myself
for staying and forgiving my husband for what happened in my marriage. Right
then and there, I knew that the Lord was calling me to do something more with
my life and that is where I got the call to ministry.
What about now?
Mark 10:52 says, “ 'Go,' said Jesus, 'your faith has healed
you'. Immediately he received his sight and
followed Jesus along the road.” God is still saying, I am giving you
sight, follow me, and where I go so shall you go also.
My journey still continues today. I still have "ah ha" moments: one was a little over a year ago,
when it dawned on me that I was doing too much again and some of my old habits
were creeping back—the busyness and hiding a
little more pain from the past. After a long hard look at what I was doing through
prayer, I relinquished myself once more to God - down on my knees, asking
forgiveness and in his infinite mercy and grace, saying “Here I Am Lord,” Thy will
be done.
Here I am Lord, Is it I Lord?
I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go Lord, if You lead me.
I will hold Your people in my heart.
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